Saturday, December 13, 2008

Tis the Season for Advertising

As a kid, Christmas commercials always got my little heart pitter-pattering.

This Christmas commercial was for 7-Up. A beverage soley drunk by little old ladies. Yet, somehow, I too decided I needed to partake of this beverage in order to maintain the Christmas spirit.

Man, I wish my friends would forsake me in my time of need on a frozen expanse of pond so that a scarf wearing clown would come ice skate with me.

This delightfully sweet song completely made me forget to fear these hollow-eyed, multi-cultural zombies that were trying to pitch me Coca-Cola.

Hooray, run-away Peter is home from who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what, with a pile of presents. And he's making us coffee!!

Be honest. These commercials have caused you to be filled with the warmth of Christmas Past.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Grandma Got Run Over By CHiPs...

Alright, I've got to get this off my chest: CHiPs is the greatest cop show to ever grace the small screen. Comedy. Drama. Action. Romance. CHiPs had it all. To this day, whenever I'm in L.A., I expect to see Ponch and John cruising down the Santa Monica Freeway on their Kawasakis hunting down a gang of thieves that use trained hawks to steal purses from unsuspecting old ladies.

Unfortunately, I never realized my dream of working with Ponch, John, and Sgt. Getraer. But never fear, I've got the CHiPs Color-Form set to keep me fulfilled in life.

This bad boy is jam packed with delicious CHiPs goodness. And in case my imagination is shot, it comes with a booklet of delightful CHiPs ideas.

I love how I can knock some speeding scum bag upside the head. Unfortunately, it doesn't come with the option of having Ponch and John use their .45's to draw down on some low-life that stole an orphanages bus just days before Christmas.

However, it does come with these freaky half bodies. Did the CHiPs officers ever have to face down a sadistic serial killer? Maybe that's a scene waiting to happen.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Forget Malls

Tired of crowded malls? Tired of beating women and children over the head in order to pick up the last Millenium Falcon? Then I've got just the place for you...

My mouth waters at this bountiful feast of goodies.

Nerd Alert...signed Star Trek script!!

Gasp...a "Thunderbird 4" model!!

Gurgle...C-3PO's freaking head!!

I just wet myself...Luke's lightsaber!!

Whip it good!! Indy's bullwhip!!

Why are these treasures not being kept in some sort of hermetically sealed government vault??!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

M.A.S.K. Returns

As a kid of the 80's, I was naturally fascinated with things that weren't as they appeared. Transformers. Go Bots. M.A.S.K. If it could morph into something different, I was into it.

Now, this post isn't really about any of these previously listed toys...yet. However, as I was perusing the shelves at the local Toys R Us, I found this little guy:

Now, I didn't think much of this new Joe, but then it hit me. Holy Cripes!! This is Matt Trakker from M.A.S.K. These toys rocked my tiny little world. The story line involved two sides: M.A.S.K. vs. V.E.N.O.M. Both had vehicles that could turn from the ordinary into super battle mode. Now, Matt Trakker was the leader of the good guys. And to see him fraternizing with the Joe's makes my heart warmer than a fat guy in July.

Could more M.A.S.K. stuff be on the way? Dear Lord I hope so!!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Don't Beat Me Up

You know the old piece of advice that says: "If you ever have the opportunity to travel to the past via some sort of time tunnel, don't step on a grasshopper because it just might cause humans to have a third arm."

Well, I've experience that first hand. You see, Lunch Time at my school was quite the social affair. God help you if you carried your lunch in a paper bag. No, you needed a cool lunch box.

I, unfortunately DID NOT have a cool lunch box.

For those of you who didn't spend hours as a kid in front of the television, the Fall Guy was a show in the early 80's starring Lee Majors as a grizzled stunt man who moonlights as a bounty hunter.

Now, don't get me wrong, this show RULED. It did star the Six Million Dollar Man for crying out loud. And his name was COLT SEAVER. And he did stunts. But, unfortunately, he was NOT cool lunch box material. And while this is a travesty, it didn't matter to the non-democratic kids at my lunch table. So, alas, had I had a kick-butt lunchbox, I might very well be President today.

Monday, December 8, 2008

The Good Book

Ah, the festive Christmas Season. I remember quite well, as a young nerd, my dad gathering us on the big living room couch. The lights turned low. The Christmas tree blazing forth with twinkling lights. A glass of egg nog in my tiny paw. He would then pull out the Good Book:

The Sears Wish Book was the most amazing publication known in the world of kids. Each page exploded with nothing but the best toys on the face of the earth. Toys that you would NEVER find by just browsing the store.

While these colorful pages bring back many a happy memory, I also rue the fact that at different points in life, I've gotten rid of most of these plastic and die-cast treasures.

All of the above catalog scans were taking from one of my favorite web sites ever:

This site is a haven for nerds and nostalgia buffs alike. Links to Christmas Catalogs, old biker magazines, and advertisements galore are just a teensy part of this site.
But I must warn you. Like some sort of Pirate Cave, this web site will lure you deeper and deeper into its depths filled with massive amount of coolness. I swear, I've dissappeared for days at a time while visiting. So, gather some canned goods and bottle water and check itout.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Christmas With the Dukes...

What kid didn't want to be an honorary Duke boy? Cool cars. Beautiful ladies. And a mechanic named Cooter. So imagine my surprise when early one Christmas morn, I opened my very own General Lee.

Forget the fact that to turn, you had to put it in reverse and then go forward. Forget the fact that it could barely run on rough blacktop, let alone, some back-woods dirt road. And forget the fact that it's 37 AA batteries died after about 14 seconds of play. I was a duke boy being chased by Boss Hogg and Rosco P. Coltrane.

As if this wasn't unbelievable enough, I scoped out my stocking and found this:

Now I could tell time like the Dukes. I imagine both boys sported this exact watch when they was havin' trouble with the law.