Saturday, February 7, 2009

Saturday Cartoons: A Snorking Good Time

Take the Smurfs. Place them in an enchanted kindom (named Snorktown) under the sea. And you get: The Snorks!! Somewhere, somehow, Smurf DNA was crossed with Flounder DNA, and it produced creatures with little snorkels (get it..."Snorks")on top of their heads that allowed them to breath, shoot through the water, and produce music.

Here's the cast of characters:

Allstar the cool athletic Snork.

Casey, the tomboy/Smurfette of the bunch.

Tooter, the Harpo Marx of the Snorktown gang.

And let's not forget Daffney, the rich chick voiced by Bart Simpson himself/herself.

And I must say, Snorks were a tad bit more modest that Smurfs. After all, Smurfs went bare-chested flaunting their three-apple high physiques, while Snorks had a full outfit of clothes to cover their shamefulness. And while the smurfs were all about conformity with their same blue color, Snorks were all about diversity with their multi-colored bunches.

The only problem with Snorks: almost no merchandising. No action playsets. No snork submarine.

You could get yourself a coloring book, but even more majestically...

You could attend the Ice Capades and check out the Snorks live and in person!!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Joe Friday: The Trailer of the Century

Forget the fact that this year's Super Bowl will go down in history as one of the greatest games ever. Did you happen to catch that G.I. Joe trailer?!!

The Baroness? Explosions? Motor cycles? A falling Eifel Tower? Destro? Hawk? Duke?

And let's admit it. Placing the trailer after the National Anthem was pure brilliance. I was almost out the door to enlist before I came to my senses. And that brief glimpse of Snake Eyes and Stormshadow in a sword fight?!! Wowzers, it more than made up for that helmet-less Destro!!

Oh, and let's take one more look at the Baroness, shall we?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Super Naturals Power

Look, a word of advice. If you should stumble across a sealed tomb, don't open it. For if you should, you just might unleash: The Super Naturals!!

When the Tomb of Doom was opened, its spirits came rushing out.

And Casper they weren't. They were evil spirits and had names like:




And as a pet, they had an evil dragon named Dark Dragon.

But let's not forget our heros. The beings responsible for corralling this festering evil.


Eagle Eye

And the good guys got to fly around on Lionwings.

The cool thing about Super Naturals was the hologram sticker placed on the figure's torso. Look, I'm no scientist. As far as I know, holographic stickers are made using black magic. But these figures were awesome and a might bit scary at the same time. I don't even think our brave friends in G.I. Joe would want to tackle one of these guys in some dank, haunted castle.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

A Force to be Reckoned With

We all have that one movie in life that stays with us forever. This movie typically comes when we are at that young, impressionable age when entertainment triumphs over content.

I present to you, Megaforce!!

This movie had it all. Flying motorcycles. Lasers. Armor-ridden dune buggies. Missiles. And dudes with hairy beards.

Megaforce must have played on HBO nonstop for two weeks. During those two weeks of Utopia, I memorized every line and souped my bike up with fake missiles and machine guns. Unfotunately, I could never get it to fly, but I don't that BMX's were engineered for that feat of magnificence.

Forget the U.N., because when freedom is threatened throughout the globe, call on the weapon-ridden Megaforce under the leadership of Barry Bostwick...aka Commander Ace kick some terrorist butt!!