Cartoon Saturday: Pole Position

Nothing says exciting television than another cartoon made from a video game. This time it's Pole Position!



Now, in case you were wondering, the Pole Position is the inside, front row position on a race track...the best spot. The Pole Position cartoon was about a bunch of stunt driving teenage special agents taking on the family legacy and hunting down the bad guys in their super cars. Oh, and one of these super cars talked and had the cool name of Roadie.



I always thought that Pole Position had a very Speed Racer vibe about it. From the tricked out cars to the helmet visors, it's really similar. However, while I always sort of felt Speed Racer's them song was lame, the Pole Position song rocked. And I can hear it to this day.

Saturday Morning Cartoons: Shirt Tales

Teams of cute, furry creatures abounded on Saturday Mornings while I was growing up. So let's add the Shirt Tales to the bunch.



Kip Kangaroo

The Shirt Tales were a gang of cute, cuddly animals who lived in a large tree and solved mysteries. Their gimmick: Their shirts would light up with whatever they were thinking/feeling. (I wonder what my shirt would be saying right now?)

The gang was comprised of:

Tyg Tiger



Pammy Panda


Digger Mole


Rick Racoon



Bogey Orangutan (He spoke like Bogart)

Kip Kangaroo


Now, while these little animals were cute and sweet, their ride was as bad as all get out. The Shirt Tales SuperSonic Transport. This thing could turn into any vehicle called for: Car, Jet, Submarine, Boat, and Killer Tank. Oh, and keep in mind that the Shirt Tales Secret Base was in a big tree in a park. Thus, Ranger Dinkle had to be thwarted at every turn. It's a good thing he never noticed a big tree opening up and a kicking jet flying out.



And since the Shirt Tales were originally designed by Hallmark, you know the merchandising was solid. I, of course, had:

The Shirt Tales Game


And Shirt Tales Bedding

Saturday Cartoons: The Get Along Gang

Ah, the 80's. Besides the toys and high fashions, the 80's were known as a time when complete nuclear annihilation at the hands of the soviets could occur at any time.

Thus, the Get Along Gang was created. These furry, talking animals taught us the value of life...a life of compliance.



The gang was comprised of:

Montgomery the Moose...leader and good sport.


Dotty Dog...the perky cheerleader.



Woolma Lamb...the vanity driven ovine.


Zipper Cat...the athletic thug of the bunch.



Portia Porcupine...the mentaly unstable one.



Bingo Beaver...the Vegas-addicted gambler.


The plot lines of the Get Along Gang were pretty basic: A problem, followed by getting along, followed by solving the problem. Not the most exciting of all cartoons...which is probably why it only lasted one year.



Even as a kid, I knew that this cartoon was rather lame. But, darn it, I learned to get along!!

Joe Friday: The Original Movie

I'll admit that I've been salivating over all of the stuff related to the new G.I. Joe Movie. New toys. Beautiful women. A maskless Destro. I'm intrigued.

But let's not forget our roots, shall we. Remember, there was another G.I. Joe movie. And this movie confused me. Who were all of these new characters? A female ninja? Cobra-la? Dukes brother Don Johnson?





Fortunately, the movie rocked. From the action-packed intro at the Statue of Liberty to Cobra Commander slithering off Roadblock's shoulder, the G.I. Joe movie did not dissappoint!!

Saturday Cartoons: A Snorking Good Time

Take the Smurfs. Place them in an enchanted kindom (named Snorktown) under the sea. And you get: The Snorks!! Somewhere, somehow, Smurf DNA was crossed with Flounder DNA, and it produced creatures with little snorkels (get it..."Snorks")on top of their heads that allowed them to breath, shoot through the water, and produce music.

Here's the cast of characters:


Allstar the cool athletic Snork.


Casey, the tomboy/Smurfette of the bunch.


Tooter, the Harpo Marx of the Snorktown gang.


And let's not forget Daffney, the rich chick voiced by Bart Simpson himself/herself.

And I must say, Snorks were a tad bit more modest that Smurfs. After all, Smurfs went bare-chested flaunting their three-apple high physiques, while Snorks had a full outfit of clothes to cover their shamefulness. And while the smurfs were all about conformity with their same blue color, Snorks were all about diversity with their multi-colored bunches.




The only problem with Snorks: almost no merchandising. No action playsets. No snork submarine.

You could get yourself a coloring book, but even more majestically...



You could attend the Ice Capades and check out the Snorks live and in person!!

Cartoon Saturday: Police Academy

Take a hit comedy movie...one with bouts of nudity and swearing...animate it...and what do you get: Police Academy the Cartoon.



Mahoney, Hooks, Callahan, Zed, Jones, and Captain Harris are all here. The wackiness and zaniness of our Police Academy heroes were no longer held prisoner by the silver screen. I could now plop down daily in front of my TV and see what kind of trouble Mahoney could get himself into today. Clown gangs. A gangsta rap opening. Robot cops. Oh, and did I mention they even added a professor? Amazing!!

And don't forget the wonderful products that resulted from this show.




Who wouldn't want a Police Academy-themed birthday party complete with party favors?

Need a get out of jail card, then flash this baby:


Or just live the dream of attending your own Police Academy.


But look, I could spend all day talking about the values and virtues of this show. I think you need to experience it for yourself:

Cartoon Saturday: Rubik the Amazing Cube

It had to be a special person who came up with this cartoon:



I don't know about you, but I couldn't solve a Rubik's Cube for the life of me. I got very good at peeling off the stickers and replacing them in their proper position. But every now and then, the news would show the world record holder for solving the Rubik's Cube in the fastest time. Their hands would be a blur of fury, and then, ta-da...a fully solved Rubik's Cube.



So, what better way to extoll the wonders of the cube than to immortalize it in a cartoon. In Rubik the Amazing Cube, a magical elf-creature lives inside a Rubik's Cube. In order for the elf to come out and help solve mysteries, three kids have to constantly solve the cube which is always becoming a jumbled mess.



Well thank heavens for these brilliant children. Left to me, Rubik would never be solved. Thus, he would starve to death inside his little prison, and the world's mysteries would never be solved. And then, the world would crumble into anarchy.

Cartoon Saturday: This is Ghostbusters?

If one were to mention Ghostbusters, you would immediately think of: Ray, Winston, Peter, Egon, and Slimer.

So who in the heck are these guys?!!:



I mean, a monkey in a fedora? That ain't no Ghostbuster. And what's up with that flying bat thing? A poor substitute for our junk-food binging Slimer.



And what happened to Ecto-1? Instead, we get some sort of jalopy with the Scream mask on the front. How can you respond to ghost sightings without flashing blue strobes and a siren that sounds like a strangled cat?



Having the heart of a secret agent, I did a thorough investigation of this cartoon. Alright, I went to IMDB. Here's what I found:

Eddie, Jake and their pet gorilla Tracy track down and eliminate ghosts with the help of a few supernatural sidekicks. This is an animated remake of the live-action series, "The Ghost Busters" (1975), and is in no way related to the more well-known film "Ghostbusters"
1984).

So there you go. This head-scratching cartoon by Filmation is an animated version of a show that nobody watched. Now I got it.

It's Smurfing Cold...

On a cold, blistery winter's day, nothing gets me up and at 'em faster than a colorful bowl of cereal made by Smurfs.



Ah, cereal based on Saturday morning television. Plopping down in front of the television at the crack of dawn, just knowing you had 5 hourse of non-stop cartoons to watch. Getting a big bowl of sugar, milk, and neon coloring. Could anything be any tastier?



Let's just see Gargamel try to whip up some of this goodness. And to top it off, the cereal had its own siren's song to lure in the children. To this day, I can sing it: