Legoland=Funland

Lego. Yes, the name is foreign. But dang if Legos aren't as American as Apple Pie. And, yes, Legos are a huge choke hazard to small children and pets. But my parents looked past all of the negatives and got me an awesome set for Christmas when I was four years old. This had to have been before warning labels were mandatory on all things including Pop Tarts.



The late-Seventies was filled with only two things: Star Wars and things that reminded you of Star Wars. And my parents didn't deviate from that formula. They bought me the huge Galaxy Explorer set. Or, for all you collectors, Lego set 928.

This set had hundreds of pieces. And, yes, it came with that handy-dandy instructions booklet.




But come on. How many kids actually followed those instructions? Nope. I just looked at the box and began creating. Sure, my final product was some sort of mutant spaceship that would fall apart at a cat's hiccup. But it was my mutant spaceship.

Oh, and my jealousy rages at this guy's abilities:

Best Birthday Ever!!

It was a Blue Thunder Birthday!!



So, my birthday falls at the beginning of December. Which is a good thing. Because, unlike my sap friend born on December 24th, I got to have birthday gifts. So, in a way, I had TWO Christmases. What a deal!!

Now, imagine if you will, coming home from school on a cold winter's day (sounds like a Mama's and Papa's song) to find a brightly wrapped gift under the Christmas tree. But this gift wasn't wrapped in snowmen or Santa Claus wrapping paper. Oh, no. It was wrapped in BIRTHDAY paper. So I shred into that paper like a fat man at the Old Country Buffet. Lo and behold, I had a Blue Thunder Helicopter complete with Roy Scheider action figure!!



Now, for those of you who don't know what a Blue Thunder is...well, I'll tell you. It was only the most futuristic helicopter ever built. It made Kitt look like a Yugo. And it had a huge gun on the front. Because it could also fit GI Joe figures, it was perfect for blowing up Cobras.



For more mind-blowing pictures, head over here.

Be Good for Goodness Sake!

Look, we all know that Santa is some sort of huge mutant elf with a heart of gold. But, please, don't get on his naughty list. In addition to getting screwed out of a butt-load of toys, Santa just might lay a little smack-down on your behind:



You see that kids. Not even a highly trained mall cop can keep Santa off of a would-be shoplifter. You are warned.

On the Third Day of Christmas...

Santa gave to me:
A Gobot.


I know. They've been called the K-Mart Transformer. But come on. With names like Leader One, Cy-Kill, and Loco, how can you go wrong with a Gobot. Plus, they were dirt cheap. So, even if they weren't as cool as Transformers, you could at least collect an army of them.

And look at this Gobot Command Center:



It looks like some sort of futuristic robot dog that could really kick some serious butt.

And lest we forget, Gobots was a cartoon. So that made them a necessity in my eyes.

On The Second Day of Christmas...

Santa gave to me:



Man, oh man, this toy rocked. I can't believe one AA battery could provide such bliss!! My Matchbox cars were no match for my Stompers. Line 'em up and roll, Stomper, roll. Thanks to the Stomper, the U.S. is the leader in SUV production!! Dang it, we NEED that 4-wheel power!!

Eating Pac Man...

Once upon a time, my breakfasts were as bland as an hour of public television. But then an amazing product came to light...Pac Man Cereal. I loved that stuff. Forget the fact that it contained more sugar than a Hallmark Television Special. Forget the fact that it turned my milk a strange neon color. And forget the fact I may just have permanent colon damage. Pac Man Cereal ruled!!


Do the Pac Man!!


Pink Bows = Extra Deliciousness


Oh Pac Man, you rapping genius!!

Too Much Pie...

Thanksgiving...is over...ate too much...can barely type...need a miracle...preferably a...hilarious miracle.